I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is wine microwaveable?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
