I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
