dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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