I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your penis caused this!
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