So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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