the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
