If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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