Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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  (828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q
  Replies (14) Good night (2224) Bad night (1403)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...

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  (806): Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can... http://tfl.nu/qmq9
  Replies (21) Good night (664) Bad night (3093)
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  (268): View more from Antigua/Barbuda-Carib

  she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.

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  (268): she thought don quixote was a type of tequila. http://tfl.nu/q3q2
  Replies (44) Good night (3859) Bad night (2534)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9846) Bad night (1479)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway

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  (443): Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway http://tfl.nu/al82
  Replies (15) Good night (3779) Bad night (1001)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

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  (727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s
  Replies (17) Good night (4730) Bad night (1751)
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  (562): View more from California

  bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.

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  (562): bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea. http://tfl.nu/kow3
  Replies (10) Good night (2733) Bad night (1209)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.

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  (681): Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most. http://tfl.nu/7o83
  Replies (12) Good night (2278) Bad night (922)
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  (661): View more from California

  First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.

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  (661): First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl. http://tfl.nu/e3wo
  Replies (11) Good night (854) Bad night (1461)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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  (781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s
  Replies (21) Good night (2922) Bad night (737)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...

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  (405): He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door... http://tfl.nu/vmh9
  Replies (3) Good night (1265) Bad night (545)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.

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  (817): Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse. http://tfl.nu/j30i
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (396)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.

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  (+44): There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok. http://tfl.nu/5g3s
  Replies (0) Good night (387) Bad night (456)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.

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  (731): He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever. http://tfl.nu/ca2r
  Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (337)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.

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  (847): I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week. http://tfl.nu/9vnm
  Replies (0) Good night (376) Bad night (181)

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