We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in