Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger