i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
