Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?