Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice