idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
