i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut