oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
