i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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