i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
