The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
