drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You smell like a Billy Joel song
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
