so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
