Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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