How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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