I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
