Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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