she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were trust falling into bushes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
