wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
