and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
