just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
