I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
