I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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