True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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