I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
