i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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