boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
