The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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