If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Come on in and take your pants off
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