i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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