I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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