you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
