separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They took my balls.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
