after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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