How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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