Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
