If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
