My hand turned me down
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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