I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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