I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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