i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
