My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
