TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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