He had one of those small greek statue penises
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
