Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
