Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
