the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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