Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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