If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
