Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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