i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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