Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
