she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
