last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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