i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
