I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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