Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
