Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
