omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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