I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
