not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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