shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
