I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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