thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
