Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
