i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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