i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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