You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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