bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
