And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
