I'll bet she douches with gravy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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