Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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