I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
