i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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