his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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