forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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