and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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