Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize