omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
