My first STD was from a foam party
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
