You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
